| Q. My 14 year old son refuses to talk anymore. It’s very bizarre, and he is driving my and husband and me insane. He will not answer questions, ask questions and he doesn’t even talk to his friends anymore. He doesn’t talk at all!!
We have asked him numerous times why he won’t talk and he just looks at us and laughs. We have taken him to his pediatrician and three different psychiatrists. They can’t find anything wrong with him. I feel like I’m dealing with a 1 year old! He used to never shut up and now he doesn’t say a word.
We have tried the usual approach of just ignoring it and acting like everything is normal and not overreacting. Now I’m out of ideas of how to get him to talk and this has gone on far too long (2 months). All the doctors have said is it’s probably a power struggle of some kind and to just let him start talking when he’s ready.
He’s 14 years old, not 2 or 3! What is wrong with him?? Thanks for any suggestions.
A. Teenagers can be very trying! Developmentally, most teenagers are in middle adolescence about the age of 14, and this is when trying on new identities and behaviors really starts to show.
What is not going on is selective mutism, which is a condition marked by refusing to speak in certain situations. Selective mutism is diagnosed when there is consistent failure to speak in specific social situations where there is an expectation for speaking despite the person’s active speaking in other settings. The lack of speaking interferes with education or occupational achievements or with social communication and the disturbance has lasted longer than 1 month. The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of or comfort with the spoken language (e.g., a child who is learning English as a second language and is not yet fluent in English), nor is the disturbance is better explained by some other disorder (e.g., autism, stuttering, etc).
Other than the duration of symptoms, several things argue against your son having selective mutism. First, he isn’t being selective. The typical child with selective mutism is a school aged child who refuses to speak at school or outside the home but speaks fluently and readily at home. Second, you didn’t mention that he was suffering at school or at work or amongst his friends. The fact that he still has friends (even though he apparently doesn’t talk to them either) is a good sign. Third, I’m assuming that he is fluent in English and that he doesn’t have a speech impediment. Finally, after consultations with the pediatrician and three different psychiatrists, you should be assured that here is not some psychiatric illness that is causing this behavior.
The other thing you can bet is that there is not some disease of his larynx (voice box), since he is able to generate a laugh when it suits him.
All of this leads to adolescence. How do parents tell troublesome behaviors from just annoying behaviors? Look for red flags - falling grades, withdrawing from previously enjoyed activities (e.g., band, soccer, etc), lack of friendships, not adhering to previously agreed upon rules such as curfews. If these things seem to be in order, then do your level best to ignore the mutism.
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